Friday, April 30, 2010

Dear baby #4,

It is time I started journeying your little life here sweet babe. It has been a rough ride for me and thankfully smooth for you.
I greeted the pregnancy test with tears knowing a new journey ahead would be tough and all innocence has indeed been lost. I can never go back to blissful pregnancies but honestly I never was fully that way. Have no idea how that would even feel. I am also grieving that enjoying a pregnancy will be a battle but of course worth the fight. We have only been together 14 weeks and am honored to be your momma already. You are beyond our expectations little one. We had thought that once your sister Addison arrived we would potentially close the chapter on pregnancies and more children but God had a different plan for Addie and also a plan for a 4th child.. God is sweet like that.. Beyond any wildest imaginations and now you are quickly growing and slowly starting to flutter in my womb. To feel life again in my belly is sweet, a small taste of redemption and healing.. just maybe. When we had our first big ultrasound the Specialist took several looks at you and said, "Oh your baby is beautiful today." I will never forget that moment. I felt like those words were from the Lord completely. It was what I needed to hear and to sit back and celebrate you. Life..sweet hands..wiggling toes..fluttering heart..precious profile that looks like a combination of your sisters. truly beautiful.
Your sisters speak of you several times a day and I have no doubt you know their voices by now. Ellie asks many times a day to kiss you and I have to tell her no ONLY if she has food around her mouth. She just has to wipe it off and the belly is all hers. Graceyn brought you several toys today and laid them on my belly, then stood back and cupped her hands wanting to hold you. I don't think it could get cuter than that. :) Seeing the chicks excited as been hard but I am daily desperately trying to loosen my grip. Cling tightly to the only thing I can be sure of which is my Lord and celebrate life now... You are only inches long and I choose to celebrate you precious child. As hard as it can be.. that is what my heart desires. I see my girls doing it with questions about you and what you are up to in there. They pave a road for me to celebrate you and the unexpected journey God has brought me on.


  1. OH Congrats Amanda! I am so happy for you! I pray that this is the smoothest pregnancy you have had yet.

  2. Amanda,
    Wow, so wonderful. I know you are facing such a simultaneously hard and sweet time. I have been so encouraged by following your journey a little on this blog. Thanks for sharing your heart and your life. God has definitely used your words to speak to me and teach me. I will be praying for a healthy healthy pregnancy and baby. Love, Jessica M.

  3. Amanda, this was beautiful. You express so much through your writing. thank you for sharing it. I will keep you and this little one in my prayers, as I know this must be such an emotional journey right now. Congratulations on the new life fluttering around inside of you.