Monday, June 28, 2010

Satisfying Awe

Sundays, can be sometimes tough for me. It is bryan's monday in many ways and I am still on weekend mode, yet have the girls alone and for most of the day. We got back from vacation saturday night and I thought we might have to miss Sunday worship because of the wildness of our home. Travel duffle bags stuffed at the seems, our home packed in boxes, floats and sand still on our feet... ahhh.. the beach.
So anyway I had 30 minutes to get ready for church and took on that challenge! I am so glad we did. We are about to move in one week to our first home and the chaos of packing then having just returned from a week away at the beach called for a Sunday to worship.. to sit, kids in nursery... and worship. I just felt that call on my heart.
At the end of our church service we have communion and I love that we have this each week. It reminds the wondering heart what the gospel offers and our overwhelming need for Christ. I sit up front so I can snag a few minutes here and there during church sitting next to my husband. So I am usually one of the first people to take communion. I think sometimes this is God reminding me how I might be one of the biggest sinners there. Just might be true.
Yesterday was different. I brought my dipped in wine bread back to my chair and had some sweet moments with the Lord before I communed. When I looked up I saw the two lines formed with no end in sight.. Just needy people, like me. Acknowledging with this action of partaking of communion that they surrender, they give up. Can't do it. End of themselves, desperate. hungry and thirsty for the one that can satisfy. Tired from wandering. It melted my heart.. I didn't feel alone in my yuck of sin and pain and this brought me to tears. I saw the needs of others in a unique way, a humbling way. I saw people in our church that I know have pain, sorrow, and hurt and even those that I have no clue as to where their heart is hurting.. They were drawing near to their savior. Oh our need is unspeakably deep and in that moment I felt like I dipped my toe in the deep. I am continually grateful for glimpses of the Lord like this. He knows we need them. Lots of them.

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