So, it's on. Yes, it sure is. C-section is on for tomorrow at 1pm. My head is spinning with emotion, planning, packing, tying up loose ends around the house, in my kitchen, for ellie's school. It is all becoming more real as I eat my banana and two glasses of milk before the "eat no more" window begins. I have so much to say but then I am sort of silenced by the arrival of this time.
I was reading a devotional entry for today and the main focus was on receiving God's love well. It is apart of our faith is to receive His love well. To trust his love, his care, his hand, his plan.. all under the umbrella of receiving His love well. I stink at this.
I have lived in this tension maybe for the past 9 months. Desperate to be basking in the sun of His love, in the bliss of that but just as it was written so perfectly in this devotional.. But, BUT watch out because the lies are there too.. the brokenness will creep back in, push it back, quiet the lies and trust.. Trust is a big intimidating word.. it comes across like it should be so easy but in fact impossible without the Lord. Without first receiving God's love.. starting there.. I have lived in the pushing off the lies for a while now and the Lord knows I am weary and worn. it was simple as I read that devotional. That is my prayer that I would receive and feel God's love tomorrow. He is offering it freely like any other day.. but I want to be a receiver tomorrow and experience His love in incredible ways, not bogged down with lies, free in the Lord, and comforted by God's peace. That is my prayer.. would you pray that for me? Also pray for my little boy.. Safe delivery for him and myself, safe welcome into arms that have SO longed for the day. I could type on but my eyes are already full of tears and then I won't be able to see and would have to wait for the tears to stop.. and I am reminded by mom sleeping on our couch, that I should, "get some rest honey."
That I will do.
Coveting your prayers and oh so thankful for your love.