Saturday, January 22, 2011

I'm back for real this time, really....

So yeah, I am living off the grid for starters... Trying to get my grip back on our little Buck world and my fingers feel slippery.
I am learning that, that is exactly how God wants it. Another wonderful self acknowledgment, wow big word, is that I need to make a habit of getting things off my heart and off my mind by writing more often. I think the writing helps the process along and also keeps the anxiety from building, if it's heavy stuff. I have this uncanny way of pulling the microscope over and getting it turned down really really low only to zoom in on everything heavy or hard going on. As if this viewing of issues will help me handle them all better as I try to figure out ways to get it all under management.. Na, just isn't going to happen.

I escaped out of the house today to what was intended to be a trip to publix but instead a detour to a local boutique to clear my head. As I drove I was thinking and praying for God to forgive this momma. I was easily frustrated, wanted to just cry, angry... and just unpleasant to be around today. And why was I acting this way?? I felt exactly like I described earlier. The microscope turned way down a lot of things heavy... frustrating relationships, 3 year old tantrums, my "what if" mind, (that ones the kicker) I can plug any fear into that one... needy house, sensitive 6 year old... oh what to do with all of this. Same habit and seeing that the lesson has been around before. These are just issues, I will awake to these in the morning and there will be some new to add to the list and maybe one marked off. The task of taking all of these things to the Lord is a familiar path that I have made my own detours off of.

So I prayed my dirty heart out. Left all the figuring out to the Lord. Here's these messy things... I am incapable of having a handle on this. Help my remembering of this Lord. I seem to have forgotten since yesterday.


  1. I got out by myself tonight. Picked up the van in Franklin and drove to Starbucks! I was wishing you were in town so that we could hang! I took mom a latte and we hung out and talked! It was a "white couch" kind of night for sure! Hard day here as well! Love you! Hope and pray for a wonderful Sunday!

  2. These pictures, your words,...wish we could just catch up for real. Love you, Amanda. Think of and pray for you SOOO often. Miss you like crazy.